I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
