I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
