Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
