Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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