Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
