just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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