tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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