when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i now understand why vodka
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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