dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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