i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
