Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
