Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
