you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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