do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
