When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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