It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
