He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
