LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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