I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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