i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
