So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
