it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
