Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
