Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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