I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
