so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
