He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
