some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
