Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
