i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
