I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
