Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
