My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
