it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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