I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
