Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
