5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
