Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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