I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
