Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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