Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
