Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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