Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
please come you make the beer taste better
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
