You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
