I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
