Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
