is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
