Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
