Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
