so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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