And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
