Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
