please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
