saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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