I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
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I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
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Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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