there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
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I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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