You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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