When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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