Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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