i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
