did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
