I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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