I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
