I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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