Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
